Jesus reveal Yourself to me as long as it doesn't hurt

Last Thursday I found myself in a place I had hoped not to be this soon again, my neurosurgeon's office. As I sat there in that crowded waiting room though, something amazing happened. A SINGLE conversation. Not between two or three people but amongst all of the occupants of that small room. In an attempt to drown out the emotions I was not dealing well with and because I am an observer by nature, at first, I merely listened as a husband and wife shared their experiences of being hospice caregivers. However, since missing my gma was one of the emotions I was trying to suppress, I found myself drawn into the conversation quickly as the words to "my" song came thundering back to my ears and heart - "Jesus be near to me. Let me know you are here. How I need you to be near to me."

 
Like a wound that must be debrided in physical therapy, I felt the bandage I had attempted to put on my heart being ripped off so that the hole that had been left could be dealt with a little more. After listening for a few more minutes, I tearfully thanked these two very special people for serving families, not just patients, in their time of greatest need. My heart's cry had been answered in the most unusual way - through two complete strangers - reminding me that even when I don't feel Him close, Jesus is ALWAYS pulling me near to Him. 

But that's the thing with me. I want Jesus to be near to me and make me feel better. Unfortunately that's also the image we've portrayed to the world - Come to Jesus and all will be well. I often forget that it's in the inconveniences & pain that He's getting my attention. I want to be safe and unburdened and happy. But it's in the pain that He shouts the loudest. Not because the pain is what He has for me but because it's the pain that makes me listen and look for Him more. 

In C.S. Lewis' The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, Peter, Susan and Lucy are having a conversation with Mr and Mrs Beaver about Aslan. The children are under the impression that Aslan is a man when Mr and Mrs Beaver step in. Mrs Beaver informs them that, "Certainly not......Aslan is a lion - THE Lion, The great Lion." To which safety immediately becomes a concern for the children. (I mean, they're about to meet a lion. Who wouldn't be concerned!)

"Safe?" said Mr Beaver; "don't you hear what Mrs Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But He's good. He's The King, I tell you."

So often we want Jesus to be near to us as a safe little baby, born in a manger, over two thousand years ago. But that's not all of who He is. He's good. He's The King. And he wants more for us. He wants us to grow and become more like Him. He wants to use all of the inconveniences and letdowns and scary moments and pain to draw US near to HIM. That's when our hearts' cries are answered and we find Jesus being revealed to us in a new way, unlike anything before, because He is good. He is sovereign. He is King.