It's not going to be ok

Perhaps one of the greatest lessons I learned as an adult was as a young minister's wife. It was my first year to direct Vacation Bible School & the weekend before we were in full on decorating mode. I spent a lot of time that weekend with a dear woman who was about my momma's age & had just the summer before buried her only child. Being a natural listener, I spent most of that weekend silent, gleaning all the wisdom that I could.
She talked about her son & I eagerly listened. I too was the mother of an only son at the time. She talked about the happy times & plans that they had had for his future. She talked about the horrible bacteria that invaded his brain & body in such a short time. She talked about the whirlwind days that followed & the outpouring of love she & her husband experienced. And it was then that she cautioned me, "Never tell someone you understand what they're going through. Every circumstance is different & while you maybe able to identify with them to a degree, no loss is ever the same. I find myself wanting to tell people that share how much it hurt when they lost their mother, father, brother, that they have no idea what I'm going through. They just don't know."
I took her words to heart & to this day have never once uttered the words, "I understand." to anyone, in any circumstance. I've thought about all the platitudes we offer when perhaps it is just best to remain silent. "They're in a better place" and "You'll be together again one day" are things we say when we just don't know what to say. But my most hated platitude is "It will be ok".
"It will be ok" implies that you have some foreknowledge of what the future holds. It implies that the current suffering is supposed to be somewhat less because it will soon end. It implies that the loss that will be incurred won't forever leave a scar on the heart of the one standing before you in tears. It implies the current hurt has no eternal significance.
The truth is it will not be ok. Life here on Earth will never have the same richness that it does when you have to say goodbye to a loved one. I will not be merely ok.
So when you ask me how things are going & in one breath I answer you, "My brother lost his job & has been without work for 5 months. My 87yr old gma is struggling with the treatment for her pneumonia to the point that her eyesight & heart are being seriously affected. It's excruciating to watch my 92yr old gma fight to wake up in the morning & throughout the day with nausea & pain that bare her no relief. And my aunt, my second momma's, battle with terminal metastasized breast cancer has now reached the point that they're pulling in the big guns in hopes of stabilizing the ravenous toll the cancer is taking on her body." DO NOT TELL ME EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK.
Please, just take me by the hand & tell me the truth, "It's not going to be ok. But it's going to be exactly what God has planned. I have no words to offer but instead my silent arms will be right here." Tell me stories of my gmas & my aunt. Tell me how much they mean to you. Let me know that you grieve too. When I need it, let me stand in the corner silently while you carry on conversations without me so that I'm not alone but don't have to engage either. And when I burst into tears of deep soul-felt sadness, gently wrap your arms around me & patiently wait until I can gather the strength to move on.
"For I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able." Yes, ultimately, the truth is it will be far better than ok one sweet day but for now, it just hurts too much to hear you say it.