Giving what you just don't have to give

I'm sure that over the next few months, any readers I would have to a blog will grow tired of hearing about daily adventures in my life. I'm honestly rather boring & never feel I have a whole lot to say worth reading. But in this season of my life, there is so much I'm exposed to on a daily basis, I just need to release it somehow. Writing has always been a great therapy for me, next to my favorite coping technique - just sleeping it away. Writing, of course, is far more productive. Blah. Blah. Blah.
Monday night I shared the wonderful image I had been given of my momma dancing with her momma. The truth is, it was out of necessity. Grandma fell Monday morning & was in a lot of pain. Not only did hospice arrange for x-rays to be done at her house, but we got the wonderful news Tuesday morning that nothing was broken! Talk about thankful....!
Yesterday, grandma slept quite a bit, although I have no idea how with all the noise & laughter we were making in her livingroom. Today, overall, went much better than any of us could have hoped. And then it was bedtime.
I had simply gone over there to drop off some butterfly bandages, hours earlier, but stayed because it was quiet. With five kids waiting for me at home, I wanted to just sit & visit a while longer with my aunt & gma. Momma got there around dark & my aunt left a little while after that. That was my intention too, but again, that wasn't what happened.
Getting grandma ready for bed didn't turn out quite as well as the day had. Because of the fall, her equilibrium is way off & she's been battling bouts of nausea. Again, I felt like an active observer to a scene I wasn't ready for.
I watched my momma, a registered nurse, lovingly & skillfully assist her patient, her momma, as the nausea took hold. I stood steadying the chair, running to get a wet washcloth & ginger ale then stood some more. I watched as grandma buried her head in her chest to stabilize herself & tears flowed freely down my momma's stoic face. I closed my eyes for just a moment, determined not to cry again, & whispered a prayer for them both. When I opened my eyes, momma was doing the same thing.
A real sadness & fear grasped me at that moment as I realized I'll never be able to take care of my momma this way. I don't have the training. I don't have the knowledge. I just can't give my momma what she can give. Oh but how I long to. My heart is broken. She deserves so much more.
As I sit here now, attempting to make sense of it all by typing it out, I realize - I'm not supposed to give what my momma can give. I can love like momma loves. I can serve like momma serves. I can cry like momma cries. I will pray like momma prays. And THAT IS enough. The rest will just be details in a day of love.
I know momma isn't Superwoman. And she isn't really giving what she has to give at all. It is a supernatural thing that she gives. The works of her tired hands & feet are powered by something, Someone, beyond human understanding. So if I draw my strength, my knowledge, my training, from that same One, things will turn out just fine. Then, maybe, I too will be able give her what I don't have to give.