The following is a working list of things I've learned over the past year. Things about God and His faithfulness. Things about others and how I interact with them. Things about me and my faults. None of it has been easy. But it has all been worth it.
2. In devastating and life altering circumstances, people may hear a lot of things about you. But the truth is, the YOU that they have experienced cannot be diminished by those things. You ARE still the same person, no matter what is said. Your lived character is still intact. Actions will always speak louder than words, especially if they are other people's words.
3. Sometimes the best gift, the only gift you have left, to give someone is to walk away, even if it's just temporary and crushing for both of you. In order to reconcile a relationship, the first truth that must be reconciled in someone else's mind is who you are. If that cannot be done for any reason, it is not time.
4. Never underestimate the repercussions of one person's actions or words, including your own. Once a cascade has begun, it is HEALTHY to take a step back and reevaluate BEFORE you continue reacting and speaking.
5. Your adult children need for you to need them just as much as you need to be needed by them. Fact. They are your people.
6. There is no shame in having had a mental and emotional breakdown. Do not stay there though; with help, life only gets clearer, more manageable, and gives you the opportunity to correct wrong thinking. Also be discerning with whom you share; not everyone will be kind and loving. Some may blame you for their part in your mental state. Some may not be ready to hear about the darkness you experienced or how far you've come. A scant few will rejoice with you and even fewer will have walked the darkness with you.
7. Rarely ever is the breakdown in a relationship one sided. Take responsibility for what is yours. What is not is not yours to talk about or discuss with others in order to plead your case or manipulate. Nor is it yours to attempt to enforce responsibility or reconcile alone. A heart clean and open hands awaiting TRUE reconciliation will help you sleep better than any medication a doctor can prescribe.
8. Sitting in the ashes and mourning what once was and what has been lost only gets you so far. But seeing the work that God has done in a loved one redeemed and restored FAR outweighs what was, anything you've lost, or what could have been. Continually remind yourself to rest there instead.
9. Brokenness is a part of the world we live in. We cannot expect to escape it unscathed. Heaven is not just a place of physical health and restoration. It is a place of NO MORE brokenness, of any kind. Those thoughts and actions that haunt, gone. Those fears that hide, gone. Those feelings that linger, gone. Those relationships statuses that only hurt and harm, gone. That brokenness is the reminder that I'm just passing through here. No more tears is just that - NO. MORE. TEARS. Complete healing awaits.
10. Forgiveness is not earned. It is a choice that is made and is often multifaceted, requiring more forgiveness and more forgiveness over and over and over again as circumstances are unpacked and processed. I forgive because I've been forgiven and it keeps me from being bitter. Trust, however, IS earned. The two do NOT go hand in hand. Sometimes reconciliation is simply MUTUAL forgiveness and moving forward SEPARATELY.
11. Boundaries is not a buzz word. They have existed since man was created and, when ordained by God, keep us safe and in right relationship with each other and Him. Figuring out boundaries and actually holding them is the hard part. "This is a line too far" MUST BE motivated by glorifying God, honoring each other, and living a life that pleases Him. If any of those things get out of balance, disaster will be the consequence.
