Compounding life is so very different. I can remember growing up all of the Saturdays & Sundays when we would load the car up for the day & drive the 10 minutes to my grandparents' houses. It would be an all day affair. We would come home completely exhausted but thoroughly happy. Life for my own children has been very different.
This small 4 acres of land has been their home since before they were born. My gma moved into her house on the homestead 13 years ago. The younger kids have no recollection of the old 40 acre homestead that my cousins & I, like our parents & aunts & uncle before us, roamed until the car horn sounded the "It's time to go".
Compounding is different than spending all day once a week together, it is living life together. "You need toilet paper? Ok, be right there." "But I really thought I had two more eggs..." Going to get gma's mail has been a staple since her fall two years ago. Most days she'd call & ask for one of the kids then they'd slip their shoes on & head out the back gate. Momma has been getting gma's mail lately.
Yesterday my parents finally made a break for it though. They packed up the car & drove out to meet the sun on the horizon. Momma retired eight months ago & the furthest they'd been together was the grocery store yet even that trip together had been quite rare.
I rushed through my errands yesterday morning desperately trying to return before they drove off but my phone rang just as I turned to head out of town. "We're pulling out of the driveway now," came daddy's voice over the airwaves. Sure I was disappointed but I had been the one pushing them to go. I couldn't ask them to wait now just so that I could tell them goodbye.
Our conversation wrapped up after a few more instructions from momma and my eyes filled with tears as I fumbled for the "end call" button. The realization that I was now the one responsible for life in our little compound was simply overwhelming. Never before had I been the only adult female, let alone the oldest one. I was anxious. I was scared. I was lonely and perhaps the saddest I'd been in a while. What I wouldn't have given to have just heard gma's voice, "You can do this. We've prepared you. And, pssst, you're not really alone."
The fact that my aunt lives three streets away & we had made plans with her for today helped tremendously. The reply to my SOS prayer request to my friend gave me great comfort too. Then there would be a text with an attached recording.
I was so very excited at the idea of hearing my cousin's two baby boys that I hit the play button before I could fully prepare myself. "Laura, it's Mawmaw. I just wanted to call & tell you that you're special and I love you very much."
It was the first time I had heard that voice since October 17. I hadn't mustered the courage to listen to my own voicemails yet. Although she clearly said my cousin's name, she was speaking to me too.
Momma & I have been talking lately about people that need a "phone call from God". A phone call to calm them & reassure them that He's still in control. That He loves them & sees exactly right where they are. I didn't know that I, myself, needed a phone call but apparently He did. And though I didn't hear His voice on the other end of that recording, I heard the voice of one who constantly pointed me back to Him. The most amazing woman who always told each of her children, grandchildren & great-grandchildren how special we were, how much she adored each of us & how much her love for us paled in comparison to His. That recording I didn't have time to prepare for would be the medicine my soul needed to push through this weekend.
After we got home from my aunt's today, I walked over to get momma & daddy's mail then gma's since momma wasn't home. I could hear the TV in the livingroom playing one of those sappy AMC movies we always watched together. I unlocked the door with my bundle of junk mail & let myself in. I sauntered over to the kitchen table & placed this pile next to the other ones. I bent down & took a drink straight from the kitchen faucet, like I always had, then checked on the Christmas cactus. I walked to her bedroom door & choked back tears as I peered into the emptiness.
I thought about sitting on the bed for a few minutes but my kids were at home alone. I turned & walked to the backdoor. I quietly muttered, "I went & got your mail Mawmaw. But I guess you're not home here."
As I stepped out on the back porch & turned the key, I glanced across the field to momma & daddy's back door with tears rolling down my face. Standing there, all alone, those words resonated in my soul, only from a different voice - "Tiffany, I just wanted to call you & tell you how very special are you. I love you very much. Never forget who you are. You, my precious daughter, are a child of the King. And you're never alone."
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