Tonight there is a tiny twinge of anxiousness at our house. No, the kids are fine. It's me.
This year marks the fifteenth year we've been homeschooling. Surely in those fifteen years I've gotten things down to a fine science of routine & discipline, right? No. Just as each child is different, each year has presented new challenges & opportunities. This year it was "How does school work when you're caregiving?" The answer I've come up with is "One day at a time".
We've always waited until after Labor Day to start our formal educating periods. (I'm pretty sure it's the rebel in me.) This year, that day fell much later than usual, the latest it possibly could, September 8. Because of the whirlwind of activity in August, I wasn't as prepared as I typically am. Missing workbooks & a lack of supplies took its toll on our glorious beginning. Football season was in full swing, which also caused us to have setbacks.
Many of our days were spent running from this outside class to that, checking on gma, yelling & crying about completing work during the precious few hours I had with my children, then ending with football practice for our middle guy with the two youngest in the care of their oldest brother until dad could get home while I was with gma & momma. Distractions were at a premium. We muddled through, each miserable in our own right, five weeks of work. Then there was October.
October changed everything. There was this one week, the week of October 4. My aunt started chemo that week. My cousin's little guy got sick. That Wednesday stands out as the day everything changed. It was the last day my kids got any schoolwork done.
I had hit rock bottom. The overwhelming responsibility I have as their sole educator engulfed me. I can't tell you how many times I simply broke down in hopeless despair that my children, you know, the ones I stay at home for, were getting the short end of the stick.
But it was also the day momma had issued an ultimatum - Go have tea with Susan or I'll call her for you myself.
You see, God placed Susan in my life six years ago in my Bible study small group. It was my first year there. I was in a place that I desperately needed to learn to trust people again. For Susan, it was the year they pulled their girls out of school to homeschool AND the year her father passed away. She, along with her mom, were his primary caregivers. Our friendship quickly grew.
When you homeschool, people watch you very closely. Because of this, there is an added pressure to perform. If anyone knew what I was struggling with in this school year, it was her. So I relented. I had basically begged her for our Wednesday morning tea time at McDonald's.
That morning she sat with me, listened to my concerns, cried with me, loved on me then gently placed her hand on mine & spoke one word - Stop. Stop trying to perform. Stop trying to do it all. Stop trying to live as if life is normal right now. She told me about days, even weeks, when they would just pile up in the bed to enjoy each other & watch movies together. She reminded me that the education her girls got during that time could never be rivaled by any book learning they could have done. I know her two precious girls & I can vouch for the fact that they are both amazing young ladies who are full of love & compassion rarely seen in young ladies their age. They didn't suffer at all academically for the time they chose to just live life. Then she referenced a verse from Joel about God restoring the years the locusts striped away. And that was it. That was what I had so desperately needed to hear. The tears faded away, the clouds of doom began to part & hope began to grow deep inside me.
I listened to Joel 2 on the way to my aunt's house that afternoon. The absolute destruction God's people faced could only be restored by a gracious & compassionate God who is slow to anger & abounds in love. He saw their situation & he took pity on them. He would send them not just enough, but enough to satisfy them FULLY. They never need to be ashamed again.
We put the schoolwork away that afternoon. We enjoyed every single second we could learning life lessons over the next two and a half weeks. We spent every moment we could with the great grandmother who lived next door that my children have never known life without. I regret NOTHING! Just as God used that time in my life to shape who I am, he will use it in their lives too, in who they will become.
So after two weeks of a break from everything following gma's victorious finish, we will start formal schooling again tomorrow. I know there will be bumps. I know there will be kinks. It will be almost like our first day of 2015.
But true to his character, Saturday morning as I sat on the floor in a room full of women who are far more godly than I, he gave me something more. Something to satisfy me until I was full. As I listened to them tell God who he had been in their lives that week, I heard one word - Teacher. All of the things I've learned since July, all of the lessons so diligently taught - he was teaching my children then too. So tonight as I log off, I will take hold of that Teacher's hand with the calm reassurance that tomorrow morning & in the mornings that follow, I will merely facilitate that teaching. He's taught their hearts, now I will assist in the progress of their minds.
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