One sentence. Sometimes that's all it takes.
As I sat in the middle of our bed, surrounded by clipboards, commentaries, notebooks and Bibles preparing for the lesson I would teach Monday night, that sentence caught me up short. In looking for an illustration for my students, "Be vulnerable" kept coming back to my heart.
Be.
Vunerable.
The two words that strike fear into the heart of all mankind. No one wants anyone to air their dirty laundry for the amusement of others. Why, then, would one willingly air out their own?
The simple answer? To connect with others. To demonstrate the "me too" that cries out when we see others struggling. To offer healing and a testimony of God's faithfulness in the middle of their hurt. To meet them where they are, just like Jesus will.
When I began this blog in June 2015, it quickly became the window into our journey in the caregiving to my Mawmaw. But the title was something I had grappled with for months leading up to her fall.
"Spiritual ADHD" is my confession that so many times my view of God's faithfulness, my trust in His provision, my awareness of His working in my life is largely affected by external factors. My focus, like that of our four ADHD kids, bounces around, distracted by "shiny objects" or dark clouds that beckon my attention. The depth of my faith and steadiness of my heart ebbs and flows with the waves of the storms that breech my horizon. I suspect I'm not alone.
Through a series of events, detailed in a social media post, I shared in October that over the course of a week, we managed to lose three running vehicles and nearly lost the lone surviving one that we had. Suspecting theft and after dark tampering with those vehicles, we were quickly losing sight of any goodness around us. But the tipping point came when a report was made involving a member of our family, a squirrel raised from 3wks old that God had used to breathe life back into my existence during the darkness of clinical depression. Arrangements would have to be made for our Chuckie or euthanasia would become his fate at the hand of the state. All faith in humanity dashed, we could have simply packed all of our shmoopies up and become hermits to protect ourselves from further hurt and harm. To say that our spiritual outlook was bleak would definitely be an understatement.
Days would roll on as, not unlike Job, we would question, confident that God is big enough for our questions - But we've been obedient! We've paid all of our own bills, even when it was hard and others would not. We've even paid other's bills. We've taken care of others in need and shared everything You've given us. We've followed Your path for our lives, even when the way was unsure and thorns covered the way. We've loved unconditionally and been broken for people that You love. Why are YOU allowing all of this to happen? What more could we do?
As a single income, blue collar family, the loss of the vehicles was a devastating blow.
Until.
Two weeks after the detailed post, just begging to be left alone, there would be another knock at the door. My spiritual ADHD in high gear and with our eyes off of Jesus, we all feared more calamity and setbacks. "What now?" not only played in our heads but came out of our mouths.
Standing on our front porch would be our "You of so little faith. Why did you doubt?" moment as a person from our past explained that God was telling them to give us an extravagant gift. Though they didn't know details, we immediately recognized God's handiwork in order to get us back on two feet.
After our company left, we spent the rest of that evening and the next few days crying over God's faithfulness and our faithlessness. This gift was sobbed over, invoked more humility than we've ever felt in our lives and stunned us absolutely speechless. Wanting to shout from mountaintops how God used this couple in our time of need, we also knew and wanted to respect their quiet, thoughtful, timely giving. (How Godlike that I had taught "Give as if your right hand doesn't know what your left hand is doing" that very night.)
Through their sacrifice, we were not only able to replace an entire engine and get a vehicle running but were able to give to others, quietly, thoughtfully, secretly. We became merely conduits of God's faithfulness. My spiritual ADHD, again affected by external circumstances, was refocused as Jesus took my hand and lifted me from sinking in the waves.
Our lives provide repeated opportunities to recognize our weaknesses and depend on Jesus's strength.
One of my greatest weaknesses is allowing my spiritual ADHD to rule over my focus. The repeated opportunities I'm given to recognize this give me only one place to turn - Jesus. He gives strength in our weakness. He provides for our physical and spiritual needs. He uses His people to remind us of His faithfulness.
How often I get distracted.
