But even if He does not

As a nightowl, I have something a little peculiar to admit - I'm afraid of the dark. Ok, maybe not so much afraid of the dark but afraid of what might be in the dark. At close to forty years old, I still sleep with a light on...and noise...so I can't hear the noises. But just like with small children, the noises sometimes come from inside my head. Only now those voices are in the scary form of the list of things I've forgotten for that day or that I might forget tomorrow or that I might not accomplish within, say my lifetime. Yes, those lists of what might be can be even more frightening for me than the real noises in the darkness that surrounds me.

For at least the past three years, my family has been in an extended period of night. At times it has seemed as though before we could get our feet beneath us from one major life altering situation, another comes barrling in and the darkness gets a little bit darker. In those moments of weakness, it seemed as though no amount of noise could drown out the things that were going bump in our night, the lists, the might be-s. We would do what we have always done and draw closer together so that whomever could still manage the voice with which to sing those sweet hymns we all grew up with wouldn't have to strain to drown out the noises for the rest of us. The darkness would get darker and the night would get longer.

After three years of non-stop night, you begin to get a little weary. You start to wonder if the darkness will ever go away and if night will ever end....and yet you know to what cost it will end....so you don't want that either. At some point your body, mind and soul become accustomed to living in this emergency driven state anyway. After all, what if this is your new zip code? Will you hang on to the Hope that you have always proclaimed? Are you willing to wait in the delays and the no-s?


Daniel gave us a tiny glimpse into the amazing faithfulness of a God who's timing is not altered by our timeline. After demanding that all citizens of the kingdom of Babylon bow down, under penalty of death, to the gigantic golden statue that King Nebuchadnezzar had built, it was found that these three dudes - Shadrach, Meshach and Abumblebee - ok, that was his Veggietales name - Abednego just stood there when the time came. Furious with rage the king summons these three men, who instead of begging for mercy, stand their ground - King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the fiery furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and He will deliver us from your majesty's hand. But even if He does not, we want you to know, your majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.


But even if He does not, we want you to know..... Words that have echoed in my ears, my mind and my heart for a few weeks now. At this point it is no secret that Aunt S's breast cancer has metastasized beyond it's original point of discovery three years ago. To say that devastation is what I felt at the news is probably going to be the understatement of the new year. The thought of having to watch my second momma go through what I know medical science tells us will happen is beyond heartbreaking for me. After all her voice has frequently been the one to sing the loudest, really all my life, and drown out those noises in the night. Then there is my uncle, my cousins, their kids, her sisters. It is very dark right now.

Even as we told our own children, we reminded them that the same God who healed the lame man and gave sight to the blind is still on the throne. (We're studying John this year....) Cancer is not beyond His power to heal. We have to believe that. God does not change. I told them that night that it is ALWAYS ok to pray for a miracle and to expect that God CAN perform one, cure Aunt S, and get all the glory from it. He is able to deliver her.


BUT. Even if he does not, we want you to know... You see, God didn't deliver those three dudes the way that they probably hoped that He would. The same God who had a history of miraculously delivering His people must have seemed painfully silent following the boldness of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. They would be delivered from that fiery furnace, but not until the dross was all burned away and Jesus joined them in a place they had never been before.


You see, I will NEVER believe that it is beyond God's ability to heal my Aunt S. I only fear that it may not be His plan to do that here. Because I'm selfish. Because I'm not ready. Because I don't really want for this night to end yet.

BUT, EVEN IF HE DOES NOT, WE WANT YOU TO KNOW God is still good. He is still faithful. His love still abounds and He, daily, pours out more grace than we could ever deserve. Our faith will not waver; our joy will not diminish; our God does not change.

In his book, Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis insists of faith - "(Faith) is the art of holding on to things your reason had once accepted, in spite of your changing moods.... We have to continually be reminded of what we believe. Neither this belief or any other will automatically remain alive in the mind. It must be fed." So here in this night, we must keep reminding each other that God's presence is not only with us here but that He goes before us and will provide the rest our hearts and souls will need. Jesus will meet us there. The rest of us will just have to rally around and sing a little louder while Aunt S takes a break.